In every life, a little rain must fall. Lately, there has been a deluge and I seriously wonder if there will be a drought anytime soon. This blog is dedicated to an experiment in life. It is the personal project of my hubbie and myself.
Did you ever wonder if this life is as good as it's goin to get? What if there is no second time around? A seriously scary thought for my Catholic Buddhist Ass. My husband already accepted darker thoughts on man's existence, considering all the members in his family died. No, nothing crazy, no double suicide, just depression and poor health, your standard fair. We decided that we can't let our circumstances affect our happiness.
One day, I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, while sobbing on the way back from my third failed IVF, I said to myself, "Self, you are going to pull yourself together and get yourself back on track. You are going to learn to be happy, even if it kills you." In the background, my husband is supportive, yet a tad bit concerned as I drive through the blur of my tears. He's like, "Yes, honey, you are so right, absoolutely. I am with you. Ahh, Honey, not to upset you but do you think you want to pull over or something? You're kind of going fast."
Well, we survive the car ride, and I know some of you ladies might be wondering, why didn't he drive? You were distraught. My hubbie is in a wheelchair and he can't drive. Yes, I know this is a lot of info. being thrown at you. This blog is not a fertility blog or a disability blog. I am not trying to start a group about these aspects of our life. One love to all my peeps fighting the fight, though. This blog is about the pursuit of motherfrickin' happiness. That's right, I want to be happy, but I don't know how to do it anymore.
It seems with all of life's disappointments, I feel like I am missing my calling or something is missing from within. With all our struggles, it has led us to this experiment, dedication to a pursuit of true happiness. Isn't happiness a state of mind, not the state of your affairs?
